Perfect on the outside usually means crazy on the inside.

Longevity has become overrated.
Wait, let me back up: I am related to a couple I absolutely cannot stand. They are codependent, selfish and immature. And that just scratches the surface of their freak-ass dynamic. A few years ago I realized that the less time I spend around them, the healthier I felt. Blood, shmood. Say what you will, but I don't believe in being nice to or spending time with fucked up individuals just because we are "related". People can be toxic, even people with whom you share DNA. Don't believe me? Look at The Jackson family.

Anyways, this couple recently had a wedding anniversary. 27 years. Woo-friggin'-hoo. Mutual friends and acquaintances praised them for staying together all this time, creating a stable home for their child, and similar gold-plated bullshit. Their home life is anything but stable, and while on the outside they may appear to be a "perfect" little family, I know for a fact they are not.

I chose not acknowledge this alleged milestone because Hallmark does not make a card along the lines of, "Congratulations, you've struck a delicate balance between hating each other and being too lazy to get a divorce." Or, "Way to hang in there for almost three decades in hopes of getting your hands on her inheritance! I knew you could do it!" I just don't believe their relationship warrants a reward of any kind. Look, I know marriage is hard and there is no perfect couple. But this? This is a mockery. Living their life doesn't so much deserve a discount at McDonald's.

The critic who lives inside my head admonishes me, saying things like: "You're not married, you don't understand, you're being too judgey..." However, I know the difference between staying in an unhealthy situation for far too long and actually working at a successful partnership. Shit, a retarded one-eyed ferret knows the difference. Staying married to someone who makes you (and those around you) miserably uncomfortable doesn't deserve recognition. Show me the couple who can stay married for five years, while making each other stronger, happier and still in love. That deserves recognition...and at least $1 off a McNugget meal.