An open letter to Disney

To whom it may concern at the Walt Disney Corporation,

I've got a bone to pick with you.

I am writing this on behalf of little girls, born between the years of 1940 and 1994. Little girls who saw your classic princess movies, stared wide-eyed at these stories brought to life and got swept away. Chances are, they got the same message I did: find a man, a prince of your very own.

Find him at all costs and you will be OK. If you change everything about yourself, from your hair down to your fins, you will get the man. You will get the castle and that elusive happily ever after. It will be an easy road and everything will turn out just swell. If it doesn't happen this way you must be an ugly stepsister or an evil queen.

We were shown by these movies that if you wait around long enough, and do absolutely nothing to help yourself, good things will come your way.
On behalf of girls who really, truly, wishing-upon-a-star believed these things: What the hell did you people do?

Here's what I’ve learned: The real world is ugly, glass shoes are not a good idea and there is no easy road to a handsome prince. Romance does not always take the shape of a slow dance in the enchanted forest. Some of us expected it would. Needless to say, we are more than a little let down.

Don’t get me wrong, your movies are innocent and mythical and entertaining…for a time. However, if love were a tangible commodity, I'd be writing a class-action lawsuit right about now for false advertising.

I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. I checked my well-worn copy of Cinderella for a warning label, something like: "Results not typical. Individual results will vary. Side effects may include a proclivity to big hair and the expectation that animals can speak English and wear clothes."
Sadly, no such warning exists.

I have decided that I do not want money from you for this egregious offense. (Unless you’re just handing it out. In that case I wouldn’t say no.) I will settle for the creation a relatable princess…who maybe has a college degree and teaches history at Far Far Away High School. Or, perhaps she owns her own castle architecture firm? And maybe her handsome prince is a nice, normal guy who makes her laugh. She fights the forces of evil beside him, instead of waiting for his rescue. He will take her to the ER when she's accidentally ingested a poison apple. Now that’s real romance.

Its not a pleasant fact but happily ever after rarely, if ever, turns out the way we think it will. There won't always be a "riding off into the sunset" moment. If we stick rigidly to that ideal, and believe that's the only way to be happy we are bound to be disappointed.

Everyone’s happily ever after is different. And achieving your own version of happiness, whatever it may look like, deserves its own catchy song and candy-colored story book.

Sincerely, and without a trace of bitterness,
A leftover princess