Are you a rebound girl?

Besides "lefty loosey, righty tightey" and always boil pasta in a large pot with salted water, life is full of rules that can be bent or downright broken. I propose a rule today that should never be broken.
In the dating world do not ever try to make a relationship with someone who is not over their ex. Yes, I said never. I'm putting on my big-girl pants and throwing around that big, bad adverb.



I expect I might get some emails and texts about how "my best friend's cousin's neighbor met her man the day he got divorced, and they lived happily ever after! So it does happen!"
That's terrific, and I wish them a lifetime of open communication and headboard-denting sex. But I really don't care about you folks right now. Please enjoy another entry while I talk to the rest of us. Those of us who are dating or have dated someone who is still not "over" the ex.

Hard truth time: The scenario of dating someone fresh out of someone else's life will more than likely will not end up happily ever after. It will end with awkward weeping every time Phil Collins plays. That's why I wanted to share some tactics to avoid being the rebound girl.



Example time: Let's say you meet an awesome guy. Just so happens, the guy is fresh out of a relationship, got burned and doesn't hesitate to tell you about it. You stick around being supportive and listening to him rehash what happened. He compliments your long hair, and right as you're graciously ready to thank him for the compliment, he bemoans the fact that his ex kept her locks shorter than short. The final straw? He doesn't go to that ice cream shop because it was her favorite.



Chances are, he's not ready to move on and you should pull away. But you, being the determined girl that you are, won't take no for an answer. Eventually your powers of persuasion convince him that the ice cream shop is safe, it's a fun spot and they make heavenly sundaes. It will be like aversion therapy for him! He can finally move on! So, one warm afternoon he takes you there and you share a milkshake like everything is fine and dandy. You're sitting in the sunshine and you're wearing a dress and simpering like you're in a damn Nicholas Sparks movie, then you turn around and she's there. You're sitting uncomfortably and they're arguing about how he took her there on their eighth date and how dare he desecrate Petunia's Ice Cream Parlor by bringing her (aka uncomfortable me) here! So there I am, sending out an emergency text for someone, anyone, to come pick me up because Petunia's has turned into a war zone and I need to bail.



How can you tell if you're dating someone with baggage and avoid this unfortunate scenario?
Just listen to him. Does he bring her up incessantly, compare the two of you, or badmouth her in front of you? Granted, this person was a huge part of his life. It's conceivable that he might mention her from time to time. Or use her existence as a way to frame his stories and experiences, such as "Yeah, I've been to Denver. Cool place. My former girlfriend went to school there and I visited frequently yada yada yada." This is normal.


And down the road, it may be important to discuss why previous relationships didn't work out so yours can be more successful. This is also normal, and dare I say healthy. Know your patterns, and learn from the past. This shows maturity and a willingness to make your current relationship a success. But in the beginning, it should be about the two of you, not the two of you plus the skeletons in the closet.



So in summary, stay away from a man who's just out of a relationship. Give him time, befriend him, but don't rush into anything. Also, don't ignore your friends when they say they need to be rescued from an ice cream shop or else you're dooming her to one looooong, angry ride home.