Friends Again

My parents recently sent me a box of my old things from their garage. I dreaded having to sort through it, I'm a bit of a pack rat and had no idea what the box contained. After a week of staring at the big ugly box in my living room I decided enough was enough. I grabbed a glass of wine for encouragement and peeled off the dusty packing tape. Out poured years' worth of treasured possessions. Among the college photo albums, birthday cards and souvenirs from Disneyland, I found my old journals. I couldn't help myself from rereading every thin, lined sheet of paper. My journals are like a time capsule of various periods of my life. Between the song lyrics and names of guys surrounded by pink hearts, there is one name mentioned over and over: Sophia. I met her in the Student Union of my college when we were both eighteen, but we weren’t really close at first. Then one day out of the blue, she gave me a Dum-Dum lollipop. It was so goofy and generous, I had to laugh. This simple act cemented it: We were friends. Through family struggles, guy drama, marathon shopping trips, broken hearts, stolen silverware, menial jobs and school stress, we were always there for each other. It was an amazing time in my life.

Over time though, the journal entries containing Sophia's name turned bitter. Several misunderstandings gave way to harsh feelings. We became more and more distant, until there was nothing there anymore. Our combined immaturity and passive-aggression brought about the end of three years of great friendship. Eventually we just stopped talking. Our once-solid friendship ended unceremoniously and for no reason.

At first I was angry and therefore could put aside the hurt I felt, but it never went away. As the years slipped by, I thought of her often and felt an ache of regret and embarrassment. I missed being her friend and yet I was too scared to take the first step. Then I received a Facebook message.

She wrote me a short, polite message asking how I was doing, what was new and the usual smalltalk. It was as sweet and unexpected as the dum-dum lollipop all those years ago. I admit I had my reservations about speaking with her again. Was she still bitter about everything that happened? Would she be the type to hold a grudge? I would totally understand if she was. I took a lot of the blame for what happened: my selfishness and lazy behavior was part of the reason our friendship became dysfunctional. But I figured I didn't have anything to lose so I wrote and equally short and polite response. I let myself be cautiously optimistic about repairing our friendship.

Eventually, the messages became longer and filled with more emotion. We hashed out everything that happened and realized we both just had some growing up to do. It hurt me to relive the past, especially when I realized she got married and graduated college in the time we weren't speaking. I felt horrible that I missed sharing those moments with her. We apologized repeatedly, and then she gave me an incredible gift: She proclaimed that it was time to let go of everything that happened and start fresh. I was flooded with relief. I had never felt more confident that someone I really cared about had made their way back into my life. The complete acceptance and forgiveness I felt from and for Sophia was incredible. We met a week later for dinner and ended up talking for hours.

Sophia taught me what it is to truly forgive another person. She continues to teach me things, and I'm constantly reminded how lucky I am to have her in my life. She is one of the most gracious and thoughtful people I’ve ever met. She’s determined, knows how to have fun and genuinely loves her friends.