Relationship purgatory

"So, you get it right? Huh babe? He didn't even have a limp. And the cop didn't get it til it was too late! Classic."

Classic my ass, she thinks to herself. I get it OK? I've been watching the same movie as you. In fact, I've seen The Usual Suspects like five times. Did I ask you what just happened? No, I didn't so I don't need your retarded Cliffs Notes version to sum it up for me. You dick. Don't explain the entire plot like I'm an idiot. Is it because I'm a woman? Do I have the glassy-eyed expression of someone who just wasted the last two hours of her life on something too sophisticated and nuanced for her? This movie is like fifteen years old. I know what the fuck happened to Verbal, OK? Also, stop using the word "classic". That's such a tired, overworked adjective. In the case of The Usual Suspects it happens to be true. But stop telling me that everything you happen to like is fucking classic: In-N-Out Burger's Animal Style fries are not Classic. Your smelly basketball shoes making me gag is not hilariously Classic. Overdrawing your bank account is not Classic. I'm usually a pretty forgiving, level-headed chick but this explaining the plot of the movie crap and overuse of cliches makes me want to bury you. With my hands.

As usual, she doesn't say any of this out loud. She instead keeps her composure by taking a huge gulp of wine. "Yeah, I know. I've seen this movie a couple times." He smiles sweetly, satisfied that he's helped her navigate the complicated film and gets up to turn off the DVD player. She shifts uncomfortably on the couch, simultaneously plotting her escape and hating herself for being such a bitch.  
It's not really the movie that's bothering me. Its the fact that I don't want to see him anymore for no good reason. I can't figure out why, he just irritates the living shit out of me.   

This, my friends is relationship purgatory. When you're sitting there with him, thinking that it's not so bad...yet it's also not so good. You might try to convince yourselves that its OK, its worth sticking it out for the sake of getting to know each other better or because you think you have no reason to break up. You search for reasons to stay, and while you may find them, you're still convinced it might be time to leave. You think perhaps you'll stick around, things might get more exciting! Maybe someday you'll find his nasty ass Jordans endearing! 

I say no way. Sticking around because there's no reason not to is not a reason to stay together. Every relationship experiences phases that are dull and that's totally natural. If you're in an otherwise satisfying relationship, a neutral phase is like a tunnel you'll eventually emerge from. You can deal with it for awhile, work on it and move on. You and your significant other might even be stronger for enduring it.

However, if the relationship is new and its already just treading water, this is not a good sign. If you find yourself getting annoyed easily and looking for an escape it might be time to bow out gracefully and guilt-free. Yes, this is not the time for feeling bad for him. Don't let the relationship spectators (your gym friend,  coworker friend, manicurist, whomever) tell you that you were wrong to leave. We all have spectators ready and willing to comment on what happened on why. In this case, go with your gut. Only you can decide when its time to end it. Would you really want him to stay with you if his feelings were only lukewarm? To pretend and put up a front for you until you're drinking coffee and you see "Kobayashi Porcelain Company" on the bottom of the cup and you get the fax that puts it all together but it's too late and-Oh, sorry. I forget I don't write about movies. 

All I'm trying to say is that having no reason to break up is no reason to stay together. Also, Bryan Singer is a genius.