They can do that?

Over coffee with a good friend recently, the topic turned to her current boyfriend. We'll call him Doug. He was a nice guy whom she met through mutual friends. They had been dating a few months. Doug was not exactly her type (This guy was as boy-next-door as he could be, and sadly, a little on the short side. My friend liked her men tall, a little mysterious and, well, just nothing like Doug.)The new BF also had been divorced, something my friend was not entirely sure she was ready to contend with. I completely understood the hesitation and figured poor Doug would last another couple of weeks at the most. Then my friend said something to me that is still ringing in my ears. I remember she glanced down at the table, then back up at me before saying, "It's like he just wants to make things easier for me." Her voice was at once puzzled and amused. She took a sip of her latte, and smiled to herself.

I was floored. I couldn't believe it. A man who's goal was to make her life easier? What does that mean? And where can I find one?

I say that without a trace of sarcasm. In all my years of dating, it's never occurred to me that a relationship can create harmony. My relationships with men brought me many things: sleepless nights, some new experiences and maybe a blog entry or two. But the concept of a man bringing a measure of ease to my hectic life was totally foreign.

After coffee, I sat in my kitchen, taking stock of the men I dated. After plenty of reflection I realized that each brought me some challenge, and I don't mean he just played hard-to-get. I mean a give-me-a-migraine type problem. Each had something that my better judgement had to contend with: A suspected gambling problem, majorly toxic family issues, no drive or ambition, or some other red-flag waving issue which eventually complicated my life in some way.

Not that I don't have issues; clearly I date men who need "fixing". But now that I'm aware of this hopefully I can avoid it. I know I'm never going to meet a man devoid of all bad habits and annoying quirks. However, if they're damaging enough to be waving a big red flag in my face, I need to be smart enough to run the other direction.

I'm pleased to report that Doug is still in my friend's (significantly easier) life. Their unexpected relationship taught me a valuable lesson: When I choose to make a man a part of my life, it should enhance my existence, not take away from it. Men are not meant to be my mission, or my fixer-upper project.

And now that I know a man is capable of making my life easier, I wonder what other tricks they've been hiding. I'm thinking it's cold fusion.